You know you are addicted to coffee if ...



You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

You sleep with your eyes open.

You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.

You don't sweat, you percolate.

You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

People get dizzy just watching you.

Instant coffee takes too long.

You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

You short out motion detectors.

You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

You help your dog chase its tail.

You ski uphill.

You answer the door before people knock.

You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.